April 28 1999
Students join to make peers aware of merits of saying 'no'
By Cathy Willoughby
Staff Writer
Saying "No'' for some high school students doesn't just deal with the moment. It represents a promise, to themselves, their future and their future spouse and children.
Abstinence from sexual activity is gaining ground as an option for teens who feel pressured to engage in sexual activity. Two groups at Columbian High School, SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions) and STAND (Students Taking A New Direction), work to encourage young people to make more informed, and safer, decisions.
Doug Messinger and Chrissy Moyer, both seniors, spoke of commitment to family and their faith as reasons to remain chaste. They said that the program, "True Love Waits,'' was used last year to encourage youth to make a pledge by signing cards. "If you signed the cards, we sent them to Washington, and they symbolized that until you married, you will not have sex,'' Messinger said. "You were making a promise to yourself, and a promise to your future children.''
"You needed to do it for the right reasons,'' Moyer said. "Before you signed it, you needed to understand why you were signing it. ''
They also said that the groups watched a video series, produced by Dr. James Dobson, producer of "Focus On The Family.'' "It talks about building good relationships. Dobson used his relationship with his wife as an example, and the basic steps in dating and courting, how you should date. Really how to build a good relationship and have it last a lifetime,'' Messinger said.
Members of the groups also attended "Acquire the Fire'' workshops and conferences that promote Christian theology. "They cover a lot of different beliefs,'' Moyer said. "But they cover fundamental things, like abstinence.'' The students said that as many as 90,000 youth from around the region converge on an area, such as the one they will be attending in Pontiac, Mich., for the weekend.
Both teens say that although sex is not really a part of their daily conversation, sometimes they talk to friends about their decisions to abstain from sexual activity until marriage. "Sometimes, yeah,'' said Moyer. "Maybe it's not a major topic of our conversation. But, for example, with my cross country team, we talk about a lot of things, like if someone else got pregnant. And I'll say that I wouldn't want to put my parents in that position.''
Messinger agreed. "It depends on what groups you are in,'' he said. "It's more locker room talk than an everyday thing.''
Messinger talked of adults he has come in contact with, who talk as if marriage today "is nothing more than a consent to have sex.'' "Actually, I hear more at work,'' he said, "that it is more economically feasible to shack up with someone than to be married and have to go through divorce proceedings.''
Both students feel they need to find the right person that they will love, marry and live with forever. "I think the feeling of people in Tiffin is strong, that you don't have to love somebody to get married,'' Messinger said. Commitment is not seen as necessary, that hasn't been a value in a relationship.''
"I am going to date someone with the intention that one day, I could get married to that person,'' Messinger said.
"I think a major problem is that people lack the skills to build a relationship,'' Moyer said. "The students are not having good examples, and they have a lack of relationship building skills.''
"Within the male gender,'' Messinger said, "there is more of a feeling for the need for sex. That when you get the temptation, you can't hold it in. I feel it within all ages, not just among teenagers, that there is a total lack of self-control in our society.''
"It's obvious to myself what is right and wrong. If I violate those, I really feel guilty, like I just let down my parents and violated their trust,'' Messinger concluded.
"Everyone has a conscience,'' Moyer agreed. "As Christians, we have a deeper conscience, and keeping it is important. If we do things that go against that, we break down our conscience.''