September 29, 1999
Can your kids control their anger?
By Cathy Willoughby
Staff Writer
Pound nails into a board, mold with playdough, or just take a time out. These were ways parents can teach their child to cope with their anger in a socially acceptable way in the first Parent Education meeting held Tuesday night.
Kelly Partin, an educational consultant for WBGU public television station, presented the workshop entitled "What Do You Do with the Mad That You Feel.''
A Misters Rogers Neighborhood program, it helps parents teach their young children that while everyone gets angry, what you do with that anger is what's important.
Fred Rogers, star of the renowned PBS children's show, created the program that takes parents through four stages that help children manage their anger and exercise self-control. Partin used various props and group participation to illustrate the ways to help children reach each stage in their path to anger management.
The 10 parents at the Family Learning Center watched a video of Rogers explaining that he hoped the group shared times when they were angry and what they did with those feelings of anger.
"Children need to trust way down deep that we adults will help them find a socially acceptable way to express that anger,'' he stated.
The first stage was illustrated by a game of "head and shoulders'' that was designed to teach the child to have a sense of control over their actions.
"Children go through four stages when they are developing appropriate responses to anger,'' Partin said.
Some other games she suggested for learning self-control were simple ones played with infants and toddlers, such as pointing to body parts, playing Simon Says and clapping rhythms.
For stage two, managing impulses and being able to stop them, Partin said that discipline is really a learning process. Parents are teaching their children how to manage their behavior.
"Many times, the young child doesn't want to stop doing something that's fun. They are actually not hearing you and don't know how to stop yet,'' she said.
She recommended playing stop-and-go games such as "Red Light-Green Light'' and had the group twisting to "Let's Twist Again'' in a stop-and-go game to illustrate her point.
Suggestions from the parents for a strategy that helps children adjust to stopping their activities included giving them a warning, using the concept of a transition time and using an egg timer to help the child remember how much time they have left.
In stage three, alternative physical outlets need to be found and developed.
"What are the ways we calm down after we are angry?'' Patin asked the group. "Cleaning could be one. Separating yourself from the individual. Taking deep breaths. All of us have strategies for coping with your anger. As a parent when we are doing some of those things, we are modeling behaviors that your children will see and may use.''
Examples of acceptable anger outlets for children or anyone included working with play dough, using a punching bag or basketball to work up a sweat, having a pounding festival and throwing bean bags to redirect anger.
Stage four is channeling the angry feelings in constructive and organized ways.
"The most important part is the process,'' Partin added when describing the creation the child chooses to make: "happy'' and "sad'' spoons, drawing pictures, self portraits and dramatic play.
Partin gave parents some other pointers to use when dealing with their child's anger.
"Children react physically to their feelings,'' Partin said. "And they need to learn to use their words.''
"If they are having an argument over a toy, you can support their use of words,'' she explained. "Then you can help them by saying 'I feel angry because ..,' or ' I feel sad because...' I will help you with the words. Eventually you will hear the child saying the same thing.''