From Russia with love

By CHRIS VETTER

Journal Staff Writer

NEW ULM -- Nancy Kokesch adores her two daughters. It becomes obvious when you look at Kokesch's face as she plays with them. The girls are happy, full of giggles and love.

And it reminds Kokesch that the long battle to obtain her girls -- both adopted -- was worth every second of her time.

Kokesch, a New Ulm resident and owner of the Country Loft and Doll Haus, adopted Kennedi, now 3 1/2, when she was an infant three years ago. She later adopted Tatiana, now 2 1/2.

Both girls were born in Russia. Kokesch traveled to the former Soviet Union to obtain the two girls, who are not biological sisters, but certainly look alike.

"I had seen a program on Russian orphanages," Kokesch recalled. "It was something I immediately knew I wanted to do in my life."

A friend told her about a New Mexico agency that helped people adopt from foreign countries.

"It kind of snowballed," she said. "It was the right time. All the information was in front of me."

The adoption process was long, taking a year and a half before Kokesch received Kennedi. However, the second adoption only took three months. The shorter timespan was largely because Kokesch's name was already in the Russian court system.

"Foreign adoption is open to any individual," Kokesch said. "Anyone can adopt, really. It sounds more difficult than it really is."

Kokesch began the adoption process by sitting down and watching tapes of children who were in Russian orphanages. While she settled on Kennedi immediately, the viewing process took longer for the second child, until she found Tatiana.

"I looked at a lot of children," Kokesch said. When she found Tatiana, her mind was made up quickly.

"I knew I had to get her out of there," she said.

Kokesch, who is single, had to fill out numerous forms, proving she could financially take care of the children. She then traveled to Russia, and with the help of an interpreter, appeared before a Russian judge.

"It's just a formality to go over there and appear in court," Kokesch said. "If you're already there, there is a 99 percent chance you will get approval."

She added that "It was a bit scary."

Because of a new federal law that took effect last week, when a U.S. citizen adopts a foreign child, the child automatically becomes a U.S. citizen. While Kokesch's children are already citizens, she is hopeful that easing the laws will encourage more Russian adoptions.

Kokesch chose to adopt from Russia because of the laws in place there.

"The adoptions are final," she said. "The biological parents have no legal rights to contact their children. I know there is no chance that a biological mother will show up and try to see her child."

Kokesch vividly describes the incredible level of poverty she witnessed in her trips to Russia. Food shortages, shack houses and limited services are the norm.

And Russian orphanages are just as frightening, according to Kokesch.

"There are over 500,000 children in Russian orphanages waiting to be adopted, from 16 months to 16 years of age," she said. "These kids need food. It's so pathetic."

The orphanages there are flawed, leading to a vicious circle that creates more orphans, she contends. Children must leave the orphanage when they turn 16. With little or no money or job skills, many of the orphans turn to prostitution or black market jobs. This, in turn, leads to more unintended pregnancies and orphans, Kokesch explained.

Even some Russian couples, who are married and have jobs, wind up giving children to orphanages, Kokesch said. The pay is too little there for some families to feed all their children.

"They had enough common sense and enough love for their children to give them up," Kokesch said.

Kennedi knows she was born in Russia. Mom and daughter talk about the plane trips, the court appearances, and the travel that brought them together. Kennedi will sit and watch the adoption tape from when she was a toddler.

"It's not something that should be kept in the dark," Kokesch said.

Kennedi is from the town of Troitsk, in the Ural Mountains near Siberia. Although the town is substantial in size, many of the streets were unpaved. The courthouse didn't have indoor plumbing; an outhouse was in the backyard.

Kokesch is now a crusader in helping other children escape Russian orphanages. She takes pride in helping four other families adopt a total of five children from the country.

Kokesch is amazed at how little medicine and vitamins are available to Russian children. Tatiana had several small medical concerns, ranging from a parasite in her system to vitamin deficiency. These ills were cured within weeks of arriving in the United States. However, Russian doctors had only given the girl six months to live.

"I knew Tat was sick," Kokesch said. "And I knew her only chance was to bring her home."

Kokesch brings gifts of food, baby aspirin and toiletries to the orphanages.

"To me, it's heart-wrenching that they don't have these medicines over there," she said.

Kokesch said she decided to not give birth herself when she realized how many children are out there needing a family.

"You go through the same emotional turmoil a biological parent would," she said. "It just sometimes takes longer than nine months before you have your child."

Kokesch won't rule out adopting more children in the future. For now, she wants to provide her girls with the love and nurturing that was missing in their homeland.