Irish ask: Why not St. Patrick?

By KEVIN SWEENEY

Journal Editor

NEW ULM -- The Irish citizens of New Ulm will march on Monday in the 38th annual New Ulm St. Patrick's Day Parade, to the theme "It's a Great Time To Be Irish."

And it is a great time to be Irish, according to New Ulm Blarneymeister and parade organizer Bill O'Connor. Locally and around the world, many things are lining up for the Irish.

"Ireland will support the U.S. in Iraq," said O'Connor, tongue planted firmly in cheek for his annual St. Patrick's Day Preview interview. "If they get their tank fixed, they're going to send it over to Iraq to help the U.S. troops."

The Irish in New Ulm will be holding fundraising events to help repair the Irish tank. "The tread fell off of it several years ago, and they haven't got around to getting it fixed," O'Connor said.

Funds will also be raised to buy a new backhoe with an extra long arm for the New Ulm City Cemetery.

"We'll be using it to dig deeper graves so we can bury the Germans 10 feet down instead of six feet," said O'Connor. "We've heard that down deep, Germans aren't so bad."

But one of the most exciting developments for the Irish in New Ulm this year is the removal of the statue of Hermann the German from its base on the monument for repairs and renovation. O'Connor and his lieutenant, Pat Kneefe, feel an excellent case can be made to replace the statue of Hermann with the statue of St. Patrick that Kneefe and O'Connor have been promoting for the past several years.

The economic sense of the switch is overwhelming. The cost of repairing the Hermann statue is unknown, but is could exceed a million dollars.

"We could get a Chinese foundry to cast a statue of St. Patrick for a few thousand dollars and save all that repair cost," said O'Connor.

Kneefe said the cost to the city would be minimal to put up the statue of St. Patrick. The Irish would fund the cost of the statue. Even though the St. Patrick's Statue Fund, after years of fundraising, totals only 59 cents, the cost could be made up by taking the statue of Hermann, breaking it up into small pieces and selling the pieces for souvenirs.

"The fact that over five thousand people paid $20 for those Hermann bobblehead dolls shows there's a large supply of Germans with more money than sense," said Kneefe.

O'Connor feels that replacing the statue with St. Patrick would allow the New Ulm City Council to get back to more important city business -- naming buildings and ordering in sidewalks.

"The city council seems to spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the names for the new park and rec facilities," said O'Connor. "We had a suggestion that we thought made a lot of sense. We think they should name them Buildings 1, 2 and 3. It would make things a lot simpler and be easier to remember."

Some other good reasons for replacing the statue of Hermann with a statue of St. Patrick:

* Hermann was a heathen barbarian who kept Germany from the civilizing influence of the Romans. St. Patrick was a saint and a scholar who converted the whole of Ireland to Christianity.

* We wouldn't have to keep explaining what a Cheruscan is.

* Pigeons would leave the statue of St. Patrick alone.

* New Ulm could lay claim to the largest statue of St. Patrick in the world, instead of the second largest statue of Hermann.

* The St. Patrick statue would attract a better class of tourists to New Ulm: the increase in the number of tourists would greatly help the profitability of the Marktplatz Mall.

* It would keep the snakes out of Joel Albrecht's basement.

* Once and for all, New Ulm would be able to shake the label of being a "German" town.

To build support for the statue, O'Connor is placing a survey in today's issue of The Journal. People can sign the form, or "X" it, and mail it to Pat Kneefe at 4 Woodland Drive.

PARADE BUSINESS

As usual, the parade will start at 5 p.m. and proceed the wrong way up Minnesota Street from Third South Street to the Glockenspiel. The parade will be led by this year's St. Patrick's Day Queen, Katie Brennan, daughter of Pat and Lenise Brennan.

She will ride in the ceremonial boat with Mayor Joel Albrecht.

"This is Joel's first and last year leading the parade," said O'Connor. "We'll have a new mayor by next year. The citizens will probably have a recall petition by then."

The prize for the best float in the parade will be one six pack of Schell's Beer. The second place float will win two six packs.

Following the parade, the Irish will congregate at the Kaiserhoff for a celebration that will feature Kneefe playing Irish songs on the harp, and will end at midnight when O'Connor's wife Mary dances the Irish Jig on the bar.

The Concord Singers, who usually provide the entertainment at the event, will not be there this year.

"We told them the parade was Tuesday," said O'Connor.

Other special events will be held during the day. Former mayors Tony Eckstein and Carl "Red" Wyczawski will compete in an arm-wrestling contest in the lobby of Alliance Bank at noon. The winner will receive a landjaeger from Sausage Shop. The rope pushing contest will be held at 2 p.m. at Schell's.

Kneefe's wife Katie will be giving a demonstration on baking Irish Soda bread at 6 a.m. in her kitchen. Participants should bring a bag of flour and $5.

Rich Runck will be giving a talk on fashion and hair grooming at Turner Hall at 3 p.m.

The St. Patrick's Day Medallion Hunt will be held again, despite the fact that no one found it last year.

"We will give a more detailed clue this year," said Kneefe. "It's on the west side of the Glockenspiel, in a box that's labelled 'Medallion.'"

Finally, a bowling ball juggling contest will be held at Concordia Lanes at 4 p.m. Contestants should bring their own helmets.