MOPS moms share motherhood's frustrations, joys

Trying to start Teen MOPS

By KREMENA TODOROVA

Journal Staff Writer

NEW ULM -- The women around the table "click" easily and effortlessly, gestures and expressions saying, "I know exactly what you mean."

Many cues show that they feel comfortable with each other -- the nod, the smile, the knowing headshake.

These are mothers of pre-schoolers -- sharing with each other sometimes helps them stay sane.

The women are members of Mothers of Preschoolers, or MOPS, a group of mothers that meets twice a month, to discuss the joys of motherhood and help each other through its frustrations.

Flushed with the warmth of companionship, the MOPS moms are eager to tell me how good it feels to simply know you are not alone -- to be part of a group of others just like yourself, ready to be your friends and cheer you on.

Now, fired up by their own success, they want to expand their ranks, specifically to include teen moms.

They have actually requested our meeting, hoping that teen moms will read about the opportunity -- while others would help the "classic" MOPS set the teen program up.

According to its charter, MOPS is a faith-based, non-denominatinal organization that seeks to brings women together in support of each other, reaffirming that "mothering matters."

Striving to provide "an open, caring and accepting atmosphere," MOPS is open to any mom with children from birth to kindergarten -- urban or rural, stay-at-home or working, teen or older, single or married.

There are "many ways to motherhood," notes local MOPS finance officer Marka Stocker. In MOPS, no one judges you; soon, you realize that many moms are troubled by the same concerns that may have threatened to overwhelm you.

"You are a mom -- you matter," says Stocker. "There are other moms just like you; you can get together with them and relate to them."

More than 3,600 local MOPs groups are meeting in the United States and 27 other countries, according to MOPS International. They vary in size from 10 to 200 and meet as often as once a week or as infrequently as once a month. Groups are chartered through local faith-based organizations.

Now in its sixth year, the New Ulm group has consistently had about 40 members. They come from all denominations in town and all "walks of life". The local MOPS is chartered through the New Ulm Evangelical Free Church. It meets 9-11 a.m. every second and fourth Wednesday at Christ the King Lutheran Church.

The format of the meetings is similar to that used by other MOPS groups, while also being flexible, reflecting the local moms' needs.

The women usually share brunch; they often invite a speaker who addresses a topic of interest; then the moms break up for small-group discussions, about six per table.

Spiritual issues do get addressed -- but they do not get "pushed" on members. If the moms want to "go deeper," they may -- but they are not forced to, says New Ulm MOPS coordinator Rhonda Ristow.

The meetings may conclude with making a craft -- "something that makes us feel good" -- such as a home decor or a fundraiser item. Sometimes, the women engage in special activities -- a game day, for example.

The women also share "mentor moments" -- an experienced mom would listen, encourage and offer information and perspectives.

The small groups are formed on the basis of some sort of "common ground," says Ristow. The groups stay constant through the year; their members are encouraged to interact socially, forming deeper friendships. The next year, the moms are "reshuffled," getting a chance to know a different set of people.

Each year is centered around a theme suggested by MOPS International or based on local interest. The MOPS officers develop that year's program.

MOPS International helps out with resources. All MOPS members receive a year's subscription to a mom's magazine, free books and videos, and weekly supportive e-mails.

Classic MOPS pay a fee of $10 to join and $5 per meeting; but officers stress that scholarships are available, and everyone is welcome; the teen MOPs opportunity will be free to teen moms.

While the moms are "in session," their children are cared for in a program called MOPPETS. Volunteers -- grandparents, retired pre-school teachers and others -- lead the kids in preschool-style activities.

Many friendships and other ideas have sprouted from MOPS -- Stocker's "baby-sitting co-op," for instance, where moms trade baby-sitting time based on a point system.

Barb Stuk, a MOPS mentor mom and this year's coordinator for Teen MOPS, notes that Teen MOPS will share the classic MOPS' objective of "validating motherhood" -- creating "a sense of community" and re-enforcing a mom's "feeling of self worth."

Peer opinions matter to teens, says Stocker. Rather than hearing the usual, how they "messed up," joining teen MOPS could help teen moms find positive support among peers.

Teen MOPS might have a slightly different focus than classic MOPS, Stuk says. Teens may need a different set of life skills than older mothers. Teen discussions might center more on relationships, for example; there could be more one-on-one interaction, or more activities with the children, like field trips.

Some teen moms are dealing with "unhealthy" circustances, Stuk notes. MOPS can help them realize that "cycles can be broken."

To make teen MOPS a success, organizers are inviting communal participation -- by displaying flyers that advertize the group; donating items that would help a teen mom feel special (movie tickets, gift certificates, even items like manicure sets); donating money to offset membership costs; or contributing child-care time.

The charter meeting for teen MOPS is 6:30-8 p.m. Oct. 18 at Christ the King. Teen MOPS organizer Barb Stuk can be reached at 354-8250.